I have a serious case of the blahs today. Don’t you hate it when that happens?
I do have some stuff going on, but really, when is there not something happening. That’s how life goes. I am generally a positive person, so I’ve already tried my usual tactics to banish blah-dom. I worked out, still in a bad mood. Tried playing with my dogs, but they don’t want to play – they want to sleep, lazy mutts. Still, I figured maybe they were on to something and took a short nap. I woke up in a worse mood.
And for the record, I don’t have PMS.
And yet, I can’t shake my mood. Actually, it’s progressed to all out bitchiness.
Part of my problem is that I decided last night the character’s name in the new book I’m working on sucks (For those of you that read Human Resources, Martinis, and Other Bad Things, don’t worry, there is another Delores Dingo book – the first draft is done, I haven’t begun editing yet. Oh, and if you haven’t read it then get with the program. Check out the Book and News page), and every alternate name I’ve come up with is equally bad.
This is not good. I need to know what her name is, dammit. The book is halfway done, and changing her name might change the outcome (probably not, but you never know). Also, I’ve become convinced I will only be able to banish the bitch by finding the perfect name.
It isn’t going well. I already stayed up half the night trying to come up with something. This morning I stood in front of my bookcases and pondered. Nothing. Each name was worse than the last.
So what am I to do? That’s when it hit me. There must be a random name generator online. Why wouldn’t there be? We live in a world where Greg from Dogs on Drugs found multiple images of penis-shaped chia pets for everyone’s amusement, all in a matter of seconds (which I mention because ever since, several times a week the search term ‘dick-shaped chia’ leads some unwitting person to my blog – I can’t decide if that’s good or bad).
Of course, there is a site, several, actually. I went with the first thing I found that Norton told me wasn’t going to make my computer explode, Kleimo.com. You can chose whether you want a male or female name, and they have an obscurity level (this is why I decided to use the site, I like the idea of setting an obscurity level. I need one of those – seems like something good to bring with you to the grocery store), which is on a scale of 1 to 99 – one being Jane and 99 being Zuhumarhatu. I set it to female, level 45. Here’s what it gave me:
1. Sheridan Loeffelholz
3. Ailene Langen
4. Providencia Patee
5. Danyel Blaum
6. Breann Nedrow
8. Argelia Josselyn
9. Johna Crapps
I took one look at the set of names above and thought, ummm, no – I am not feeling any of these. So I set the obscurity level to 25 instead, and kleimo yielded these gems:
1. Bertie Sobus
2. Libby Hoston
3. Felecia Yoshimura
4. Leta Buckelew
6. Alyson Caplan
7. Reyna Litman
8. Helga Deskin
9. Lolita Agramonte
10. Leeann Brauner
Waaa? Bertie Sobus? How is that a female name? That makes me think of a little bald dude that works in a deli and smells like cold cuts. And #5? Honestly, wouldn’t you wonder if your parents were sending you a message? And notice Barren, much like Cristina in the first set, has no last name. Are these names so amazing that they fall into the same category as Cher or Madonna? Well, technically Cristina does, I guess. If you live in Latin America anyway. Or watch Telemundo. She’s like Oprah, but blond.
Clearly I haven’t come up with anything to my liking, but my mind has moved on to other topics now – such as how do you name a real live person? I can’t even name a fake person. Both my dogs were around for a day or two before I settled on something suitable. I’m just not good at bestowing something permanent on someone. What if they don’t like it? What if it shapes their personality in a negative way? Obviously too much thought has been put into this, but still…
I actually had no name at first, so maybe that’s the reason I’m naming deficient? No, really, I didn’t. I was supposed to have a name – Joshua. That’s right, ‘lil Vesta turned out to be a she instead of a he (and all of you can keep your jokes to yo’self, thanks very much). So at first everyone was stumped, since Joshuetta was probably not going to go over well. Anyway, it took a day or so for my parents to sort it out.
I have no kids, but I am convinced that were I to pop one out, I’d have to see him or her first before I could decide on a name.
All this has done nothing to help me re-name my character, but surprisingly it did get rid of my shitty mood. So thanks for nothing on actually generating usable names, Kleimo, but you do a mighty fine job of bucking up someone’s spirits.
* I did not get paid to write about Kleimo. I’d never heard of it until today, and if they had paid me, they would probably want their money back. Jerks.