Monthly Archives: June 2012

Martini Time – Wiggle it!

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Hell yes y’all, it’s Friday, and it has been a spectacular week. Drink Well spent the majority of the week in Amazon’s Kindle Top 100 Free Books list, which makes me happy. And by happy I mean ecstatic, and when that happens I do the wiggle dance whenever the mood strikes, including the aisles of Whole Foods, while my husband is trying to have a conversation with me, and other people stare.

Side note: Apparently, the youth has stolen my wiggle dance and added a ludicrously large medallion to it.

Dear Youth,

If you need instructions on the wiggle, then all hope is lost.

Sincerely,
Vesta

Anyway, if you haven’t downloaded your copy of Drink Well then get on it, tomorrow is the last day!

Now that the weekend is upon us, I fully expect for you guys to start snapping your own cocktail photos for the contest. If you’re new to the Cowardly Feminist, check out Monday’s post for contest details. You have until July 8th to submit your photo to cowardlyfeminist@gmail.com with Cocktail Photo Contest in the subject heading. The first place winner gets a $25 Amazon gift card, and the top three submissions get their photo posted during Cocktail Hour.

Speaking of which…

You know what we haven’t done in a while? A martini. Summer is here, it’s hella hot, and yes, I am still on a fruit kick. So for today’s Happy Hour…

Yum.

Pear-tini

  • 3 oz Pear Vodka (I used Absolut)
  • 1 oz Kern’s Pear Nectar
  • 1 dash orange flower water

Chill martini glass in freezer during drink preparation. In an ice-filled martini shaker, pour pear vodka and pear nectar, then shake vigorously. Add dash of orange flower water to bottom of martini glass, then strain contents of shaker. Enjoy!

 

 

*Remember folks, take a cab if you’re imbibing. Or better yet, stay at home, make your own cocktails, and save some money!

Don’t forget to submit your Ask Vesta questions – I’ll answer anything!

Happy Friday y’all!

 

Dudes do it too.

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Today I read an article in the July issue of Elle, True Confessions: Why Women Gossip. The author discussed women and sharing, or over-sharing as the case often is with ladies. For the most part, I agreed with much of what she wrote – there are an abundance of women that are guilty of revealing far too much personal information about themselves. I learned not to overshare years ago, after being burned once or twice (actually it was more like a dozen times, I tend to learn by banging my head against the wall repeatedly). Nothing teaches you a lesson better than getting screwed over by your own mouth. So for the most part I keep personal matters to myself, (although my sister and husband are privy to pretty much every facet of my life, but family doesn’t count, right?).

The article attempted to explain some of the reasons why females feel compelled to overshare, and cited numerous studies, including one that found women who shared released higher levels of progesterone, which can reduce stress (conversely, studies have also found that excessive sharing of problems can lead to anxiety and depression. There’s always a yin and yang with these ‘studies’). The author also briefly touched upon the connection between oversharing and gossip. To me the two are hopelessly intertwined. Those times that I got burned by telling someone too much information? Yeah, those were a result of the person I confided in turning around and gossiping to someone else.

All in all, while the article wasn’t exactly groundbreaking, I found it interesting. However, I don’t think the phenomenon is limited to women. Men are just as guilty.

During my employment as a recruiter, I found the men in the office were just as likely to participate in the rumor mill as the women. Hell, often times they were the ones to get the gossip going in the first place. But once that was done, all they had to do was sit back and wait. The difference between men and women, in my opinion, is that dudes know women are more venomous about gossip, therefore all they have to do to get the ball rolling is mention a choice tidbit of information, after which they can sit back and watch the fireworks. They were like the match that lit the office fire, and the ladies fanned the flames. Of course, not all the men participated in the nonsense, but then again neither did all the women.

The misconception that females are the ones to overshare and gossip, while men don’t, is simply untrue. The difference is that they don’t do it as long as we do. Women dissect gossip. Guys are very wham bam about it. You could view this in one of two ways, a) guys are more concise in their gossip, or b) they aren’t as detail-oriented as women.

Last week my husband and I sat in the living room in our ‘talk position’, me on the loveseat, him on the couch, facing each other. At some point we really need to change our arrangement, because the leather is indented in only these two spots. If we’re going to have butt prints, they should at least be uniform and on each cushion. Anyway, he was relaying a conversation he had with a friend, in which they discussed a third party, also a friend. During this conversation, they determined that the third person had told each of them a different story about something, the reason for the discrepancy was likely because the wives of the other two guys are close. Without going into the details of the conversation, here’s my response to what my husband told me:

Me: Oh my God, why did you say that? He’s totally going to tell his wife!

Husband: No he won’t.

Me: Oh yes he will.

Hubs: No, he isn’t going to say anything because (redacted).

Me: Do you tell me everything?

Hubs: (wide eyes of disbelief, trying to determine of I’m asking a trick question) Of course baby! I tell you every little thing!

Me: Exactly. And he’s going to tell his wife.

Oh yes, you can bet your bottom dollar he told his wife, because dudes gossip, especially with their partners. My husband laughs and shakes his head whenever he hears me on the phone with my sister or mom, chatting about this and that. I’m not sure why, because he does it too. I always know when my husband is about to tell me something about another person, because he lowers his voice to a whisper. Now, if we were in public, and the other person was there, then that would make perfect sense. But he does it at home when the only ears around are mine and the dogs. I guess it’s his subconscious telling him…huh, I thought I had some proverb about gossip and the devil floating around the back of my brain, but I guess not. Anyway, countless times my husband has come home and told me some bit of information that floored me, because those revelations came from other guys. They talk about their lives, their wives, and each other. Just like women. The difference between their gossip sessions and ours is time. They swap info and move onto other topics. Women tell the tale and then break down every single detail, examining it piece by piece.

***

Google saves the day:

It isn’t what they say about you, it’s what they whisper.  ~Errol Flynn

The dog wins.

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First, here’s the link to download Drink Well through Amazon, for free, from today through Saturday. If you don’t have a Kindle then you can download it to your PC, tablet, or smartphone with this free app.

The Cocktail Photo Contest ends July 8th.

***

I don’t believe I’ve ever mentioned this before, but at one point in my young life, I wanted to go into politics. Yes, I truly did, silly youth that I was. Now I laugh at the idea, but when I was a kid it seemed interesting and exciting. My own stupidity ruined any chance of that dream by the age of 16. Or not, considering some of the chumps we’ve elected into office over the years. Anyway, this is going to sound incredibly pompous, but it is also true, not just for me, but probably for some of you too. I frequently have the thought that if I were in charge of things, the world would be a better place. Or at the very least, it would be a world with less assholes and hipsters. You want to double park your Audi in a handicapped spot while you run into the market, thereby screwing not one but two people in need of a short walk to the entrance their proper space? You’re condemned to pick rocks for the next ten years, buddy, I’ll work out what to do with said rocks later.

-There would be no leggings as pants worn with a belly shirt.

-There would be no making a mess in the communal laundry room of the apartment building. No more spilling powdered detergent all over the floor and then leaving it there to get stuck in the soles of other people’s shoes.

-There would be no sampling of foods, with fingers, at the food bar at Whole Foods.

-There might not even be a Whole Foods, because even though I go there about once a week, that place annoys the fuck out of me.

-No longer would people do that weird thing where they water the sidewalk and driveway because they’re too lazy to pick up a damn broom and sweep. Driveway watering would lead to automatic tazing.

And then, I am brought back down to reality, and reminded that if I ruled the world it would quickly descend into an even more hellish and chaotic place than it is already. Aside from the fact that my political priorities, as it turns out, don’t have anything to do with politics, I would muck it all up in a very short period of time. In fact, it wouldn’t be surprising if the entire planet were to blow up within the first year of my rule. And do you know why? Because I regularly get my ass kicked by a six pound dog. So who am I kidding? I wouldn’t be able to control jack shit. Rude people would run around the planet, watering concrete for no particular reason, all while wearing bedazzled belly shirts with shiny leggings. And then they’d all go to Whole Foods.

Stinky, festering in the sun

I’ve posted about Stinky numerous times, so you are all aware she becomes more wizened by the day, bless her smelly heart. Because of this, it’s difficult to get angry with her over anything. And boy does she know it. I chalk up her disobedience to the fact that she is ancient, and therefore doesn’t hear or see very well (her nose is just fine, and the smell of food causes her to prance and spin in circles, which makes me wonder if the old lady bit is just an act). Anyway, this morning, for the second time this week, Stinko peed in the house, right after I put her leash on, dammit. I already have to pick her up the moment the door opens, because she will casually pee on the doormat, because, you know, we are outside after all. Now I guess I need to pick her up before leashing her.

That was this morning, at six o’clock. I took her out a bit ago, and she refused to do her business. Nothing. She just wants to bask in the sun. Fifteen minutes of trying everything short of wringing the pee out of her, I gave up and took her back in, knowing full well I’d have to take her back out again ten minutes later, because it has to be on her terms.

Fine. Whatever. You win Stinky. I would have made a terrible world leader anyway.

Announcements, giving s*** away, and Ask Vesta.

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Well hello and happy Monday. It was not my intention to tease you guys with the announcement of an announcement last week, I just so happened to run into a snafu and had to push it to this week. Anyhoo, lots of things happening in the House of Vesta. First, I want to help you get your cocktail on this summer. So beginning tomorrow, June 26th, through Saturday, June 30th, you can download a copy of Drink Well for free on Amazon! Hell to the yes. If you don’t have an e-reader, fear not, you can download it right to your computer, or even your smartphone. Tomorrow I will post all the links.

Once you download Drink Well, and tell everyone you know to do so too, because hell, it’s free, your true mission will begin.

Mission, you say? What mission?

Your assignment is to make one of the cocktails in Drink Well, and then take a photo. Get creative folks. The book already contains twenty Glamour Shots of the cocktails, now I want you to get crazy. Once all the submissions are in, the top three most inventive pics will be posted on my blog. The first place winner will receive a $25 Amazon gift card.

So, let’s review –

*Everyone can download a copy of Drink Well, for free, June 26th – 30th!

*I am giving you license to make yourself a cocktail, and then take wild photos. Feel free to interpret that in any way you wish.

*The top three submissions get a shout out and their photo posted on the Cowardly Feminist.

*The winner, which will be determined by someone other than me, by the way, because I love you guys and therefore wouldn’t be able to choose, will win a $25 Amazon gift card.

The download period begins tomorrow and runs through Saturday, and you will have until July 8th to submit your cocktail pic. Winners will be announced the following Friday, during Happy Hour. Send your photo submissions to me at cowardlyfeminist@gmail.com, with Cocktail Photo Contest in the subject heading. Along with your photo, make sure to tell me which cocktail from Drink Well appears in your pic, and make sure to send either your name or your blog url and/or online identity (I know some of you keep it anonymous on the Big Bad Internet).

Oh, you’ve gotta be 21 to enter this contest folks, I do not want to ABC to rain hellfire down upon me. Woot.

M’kay, so now that announcement time is over, let’s move on to this week’s Ask Vesta question, which was a major toughie.

Dear Vesta,

How long is too long to hold onto a friendship that has drifted?

A friend of mine from years ago has become the single most high-maintenance person I know. Not only have we drifted apart, but I feel that she demands my attention more than I can give. She’s been on disability for years now, both she and her husband, so they are nearly homebound. Some people handle their hardships with grace, but these two prefer to believe the world is falling apart and expect us all to go out of our way to make their life better. She wants me to come over for some “girl time” but can never come to me, or even meet me halfway, and for me to go to her is over an hour drive. When I don’t respond with appropriate sympathy at her or her husband’s latest ailment, I’m lambasted – at least I assume I’m included in the general lambast that goes out on Facebook.

Honestly, when we can get together we enjoy each other’s company, but not like before. She and I are on the same wavelength intellectually, but personality-wise and culturally, we have drifted. I find that I’m censoring myself because I no longer believe or act the way she and I used to. And whenever we are at the point of getting together, she will text me umpteen times a day to figure things out. She’s a pain, Vesta, and I don’t know if the mild enjoyment of her company is worth the trouble it takes to get there. I feel like the only reason I maintain this friendship is because she’s in bad health. Is it noble, or hypocritical to keep this up? How long should this umbilical cord be?

…and then, how DO I break the tie?

Burning Bridges

Dear Burning,

My, oh my, you have a tough decision.

My first question to you would be this – have you explained your feelings to this person? Telling someone that they’ve ultimately become a high-maintenance time-suck is bound to be an uncomfortable conversation, however, it is likely she simply is not aware of the person she has become (I’m assuming she wasn’t always this way). Upon telling your friend the truth, one of two things will happen, well, one thing will most certainly happen – and that is, her initial reaction will probably be one of anger and hurt.

My advice is, when that happens, don’t back down.

Years ago, a good friend of mine made a reference to my manner of dealing with people, and it was rather unflattering. My feelings were hurt, and my initial reaction was to say ‘I don’t do that!’ I went home and thought about it, and realized my friend was right. It fundamentally changed how I interact with people, in a good way. And you know something? I’m still friends with her, all these years down the road. She did me a favor by telling me the truth.

Your friend may or may not have the same reaction. If she chooses to accept what you said, and subsequently examines her behavior, she might make changes. If she decides to stay angry, and continue along the ‘woe is me’ path, then the decision of how to cut off the friendship will already be made – by her.

Friends are a precious and important part of our lives, and they should be treated well. That said, not everyone is meant to travel with you all through life. We grow as people, interests change, and sometimes friendships that worked well in younger years don’t translate to later in life. You say you continue to act as a friend due to her bad health, and that is very decent of you. However, a person can be in poor health for decades. How long do you think you can keep up your friendship in its current state? Of course you want to stand by friends and family, but that does not necessarily mean you should perpetually be the giver of sympathy. At some point, when confronted by a demanding person who takes and takes, you will run out of things to give, namely time and empathy.

Clearly, at one point you valued your relationship with this woman, because of that, do her the courtesy of explaining your feelings regarding her attitude and actions. If you do decide to break ties with her, don’t allow her to make you feel guilty. This is your life, and the choice to surround yourself with positive people is yours.

***

Don’t forget to send your questions to me at cowardlyfeminist@gmail.com, with Ask Vesta in the subject heading. I’ll answer anything!