My super power is more of a curse than a blessing. I have the power of smell, and I am not freaking kidding.
If my husband comes home from work at nine at night, I WILL know if he had a beer with lunch at noon.
If a banana was ANYWHERE near my food, I will smell it. Banana scent infiltrates food in a nauseating way – I won’t eat it, it must go in the trash, and the trash must be taken outside.
If the people four buildings down the street are cooking curry, I will smell it.
If I’m at the front of an airplane and someone all the way at the back is eating Doritos, I will know it.
I can smell my neighbor’s Light Blue perfume from inside our apartment.
If my husband leaves an errant sock somewhere I will SNIFF IT OUT. Oh yes, I will. And then I will leave it on his pillow.
Whoever said vodka has no scent can’t smell shit.
Some might think my superpower is useful and cool. If there’s a gas leak I would know it and be able to get everyone out of the building. But alas, my power is never used for good. It haunts me. My olfactory sense is so heightened that it can ruin things for me.
My man and I were at our favorite sushi spot a few years ago, which is awesome but smells like fish. He told me about eating at another place nearby that had bad sushi, and something about the word ‘bad’ and the fish-scented place was so overwhelming for me it turned me full vegetarian, which I hadn’t been for years. The memory of the smell during that conversation is so vivid it turns my stomach.
I dread getting on a plane for a long flight because I am stuck with a hundred strangers and their smells. It is like my own private hell and it KILLS me.
On the other hand, my husband is well trained in which cologne I find appealing, and when I like the smell of something, it’s like crack. For my nose. But not the kind you snort, just the kind you sniff (Waaaa?). And if I’m at the market or in a restaurant and a woman with a delicious perfume is in my vicinity I must compliment her. And she probably gets a little scared at the way my nose twitches in her direction, but hey, I was being nice so chill out, okay?
BUT.
My super power has no name, and I think it needs one. I am taking suggestions. I also think I’d like a costume….and a gamma ray gun.
A female super hero whose power is smelling? That would have to be Smelle, wouldn’t it?
Ummm, well, at first I thought you were saying there already WAS a female super hero whose power is smelling. So I googled it, and what came up on urban dictionary….you are quite the smarty pants, aren’t you? I think, however, I would be the opposite of Smelle, like maybe she’s my arch-nemesis or something, and I spray her down with Lysol.
Jesus, I couldn’t have planned that better if I had tried! Way to go, subconscious me! (self-high-five).
Actually, I just thought Smell + Elle.
Actually, though, Lysol beat you to the punch in dealing with Smelle, all the way back in 1948:
http://www.mum.org/lovequiz.jpg
(Yeah, mind-blowingly enough, that was a real ad.)
Wow. I really don’t know what to say about that ad. Quite honestly I never knew Lysol once gave Summer’s Eve a run for her money.
As for the 96 other super heroes, screw them. Especially Superman. He can’t have flying and super strength AND super smell, that one’s mine. And when did God become a super hero, and how is it that he only ranks 11th in smelly powers?
Jesus is only 2 up from Scooby Doo?
OMG & God and Jesus being listed as Super Heros with super human senses of smell… REALLY? I don’t know if I should roll my eyes or laugh myself into a pants wetting asthma attack. Maybe I’ll do both. Ridiculous!!!
Oooh, did you know there are already 96 super heroes with super smell? It’s true!
http://www.comicvine.com/super-smell/41-19/
(Check out super hero #54 on this list!)
I hear you, mama. I can smell mayonnaise, bad breath, and b.o. for MILES. I’m with mayo like you are with the banana… I blogged about it a few weeks ago and titled it “Grosscondimentaphobia.” If something with mayo on it is anywhere near my food, I will know it. And I won’t eat it. Period.
If I can smell your breath, I will gag. And you will be embarrassed. (And so will I.)
Remembering smells can make me vomit, too. I thought I was the only one that happened to…
I think you need a black unitard with a sparkly pink cape and thigh high Zena the Warrior Princess Ass Kickin’ boots. You can come up with a super hero name later. First and foremost, buy the boots.
xo
Oooo – I am ALWAYS on the lookout for a reason to buy Ass Kickin’ boots.
I read Grosscondimentophobia – there’s a link on my FB page and anyone that’s ever had a home remedy gone bad will appreciate it – http://deathbycupcakes01.blogspot.com/2011/09/grosscondimentophobia
The Wonder Whiffer? I think that is the feminine version of the Super Sniffer, which I believe is already taken.
Hmmmm. Wonder Whiffer sounds like a cleaning product….Get your home squeaky clean with a Wonder Whiffer! But I like the idea of having the word wonder in there – Wonder Woman was my hero when I was five.
How about The Wonder Nose? And then you can stand in dark alleys and whisper it menacingly at criminals.
“Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Wonder Nose.”
Yeah, yeah, it’s not the right ‘Knows’. But I liked the Shadow as a kid.
Wonder Nose should also replace the word hell with smell in her dialog.
“What the smell is that?”
“You’re going to smell!”
“Smell hath no fury like a nose scorn.”
Okay, they can’t all be winners.
The Wonder Nose!
Catchy, has a slogan, it’s a winner.