My super power is more of a curse than a blessing. I have the power of smell, and I am not freaking kidding.
If my husband comes home from work at nine at night, I WILL know if he had a beer with lunch at noon.
If a banana was ANYWHERE near my food, I will smell it. Banana scent infiltrates food in a nauseating way – I won’t eat it, it must go in the trash, and the trash must be taken outside.
If the people four buildings down the street are cooking curry, I will smell it.
If I’m at the front of an airplane and someone all the way at the back is eating Doritos, I will know it.
I can smell my neighbor’s Light Blue perfume from inside our apartment.
If my husband leaves an errant sock somewhere I will SNIFF IT OUT. Oh yes, I will. And then I will leave it on his pillow.
Whoever said vodka has no scent can’t smell shit.
Some might think my superpower is useful and cool. If there’s a gas leak I would know it and be able to get everyone out of the building. But alas, my power is never used for good. It haunts me. My olfactory sense is so heightened that it can ruin things for me.
My man and I were at our favorite sushi spot a few years ago, which is awesome but smells like fish. He told me about eating at another place nearby that had bad sushi, and something about the word ‘bad’ and the fish-scented place was so overwhelming for me it turned me full vegetarian, which I hadn’t been for years. The memory of the smell during that conversation is so vivid it turns my stomach.
I dread getting on a plane for a long flight because I am stuck with a hundred strangers and their smells. It is like my own private hell and it KILLS me.
On the other hand, my husband is well trained in which cologne I find appealing, and when I like the smell of something, it’s like crack. For my nose. But not the kind you snort, just the kind you sniff (Waaaa?). And if I’m at the market or in a restaurant and a woman with a delicious perfume is in my vicinity I must compliment her. And she probably gets a little scared at the way my nose twitches in her direction, but hey, I was being nice so chill out, okay?
My super power has no name, and I think it needs one. I am taking suggestions. I also think I’d like a costume….and a gamma ray gun.