Well hello and happy Monday. It was not my intention to tease you guys with the announcement of an announcement last week, I just so happened to run into a snafu and had to push it to this week. Anyhoo, lots of things happening in the House of Vesta. First, I want to help you get your cocktail on this summer. So beginning tomorrow, June 26^th, through Saturday, June 30^th, you can download a copy of Drink Well for free on Amazon! Hell to the yes. If you don’t have an e-reader, fear not, you can download it right to your computer, or even your smartphone. Tomorrow I will post all the links.

Once you download Drink Well, and tell everyone you know to do so too, because hell, it’s free, your true mission will begin.

Mission, you say? What mission?

Your assignment is to make one of the cocktails in Drink Well, and then take a photo. Get creative folks. The book already contains twenty Glamour Shots of the cocktails, now I want you to get crazy. Once all the submissions are in, the top three most inventive pics will be posted on my blog. The first place winner will receive a $25 Amazon gift card.

So, let’s review –

*Everyone can download a copy of Drink Well, for free, June 26th – 30th!

*I am giving you license to make yourself a cocktail, and then take wild photos. Feel free to interpret that in any way you wish.

*The top three submissions get a shout out and their photo posted on the Cowardly Feminist.

*The winner, which will be determined by someone other than me, by the way, because I love you guys and therefore wouldn’t be able to choose, will win a $25 Amazon gift card.

The download period begins tomorrow and runs through Saturday, and you will have until July 8^th to submit your cocktail pic. Winners will be announced the following Friday, during Happy Hour. Send your photo submissions to me at cowardlyfeminist@gmail.com, with Cocktail Photo Contest in the subject heading. Along with your photo, make sure to tell me which cocktail from Drink Well appears in your pic, and make sure to send either your name or your blog url and/or online identity (I know some of you keep it anonymous on the Big Bad Internet).

Oh, you’ve gotta be 21 to enter this contest folks, I do not want to ABC to rain hellfire down upon me. Woot.

M’kay, so now that announcement time is over, let’s move on to this week’s Ask Vesta question, which was a major toughie.

Dear Vesta,

How long is too long to hold onto a friendship that has drifted?

A friend of mine from years ago has become the single most high-maintenance person I know. Not only have we drifted apart, but I feel that she demands my attention more than I can give. She’s been on disability for years now, both she and her husband, so they are nearly homebound. Some people handle their hardships with grace, but these two prefer to believe the world is falling apart and expect us all to go out of our way to make their life better. She wants me to come over for some “girl time” but can never come to me, or even meet me halfway, and for me to go to her is over an hour drive. When I don’t respond with appropriate sympathy at her or her husband’s latest ailment, I’m lambasted – at least I assume I’m included in the general lambast that goes out on Facebook.

Honestly, when we can get together we enjoy each other’s company, but not like before. She and I are on the same wavelength intellectually, but personality-wise and culturally, we have drifted. I find that I’m censoring myself because I no longer believe or act the way she and I used to. And whenever we are at the point of getting together, she will text me umpteen times a day to figure things out. She’s a pain, Vesta, and I don’t know if the mild enjoyment of her company is worth the trouble it takes to get there. I feel like the only reason I maintain this friendship is because she’s in bad health. Is it noble, or hypocritical to keep this up? How long should this umbilical cord be?

…and then, how DO I break the tie?

Burning Bridges

Dear Burning,

My, oh my, you have a tough decision.

My first question to you would be this – have you explained your feelings to this person? Telling someone that they’ve ultimately become a high-maintenance time-suck is bound to be an uncomfortable conversation, however, it is likely she simply is not aware of the person she has become (I’m assuming she wasn’t always this way). Upon telling your friend the truth, one of two things will happen, well, one thing will most certainly happen – and that is, her initial reaction will probably be one of anger and hurt.

My advice is, when that happens, don’t back down.

Years ago, a good friend of mine made a reference to my manner of dealing with people, and it was rather unflattering. My feelings were hurt, and my initial reaction was to say ‘I don’t do that!’ I went home and thought about it, and realized my friend was right. It fundamentally changed how I interact with people, in a good way. And you know something? I’m still friends with her, all these years down the road. She did me a favor by telling me the truth.

Your friend may or may not have the same reaction. If she chooses to accept what you said, and subsequently examines her behavior, she might make changes. If she decides to stay angry, and continue along the ‘woe is me’ path, then the decision of how to cut off the friendship will already be made – by her.

Friends are a precious and important part of our lives, and they should be treated well. That said, not everyone is meant to travel with you all through life. We grow as people, interests change, and sometimes friendships that worked well in younger years don’t translate to later in life. You say you continue to act as a friend due to her bad health, and that is very decent of you. However, a person can be in poor health for decades. How long do you think you can keep up your friendship in its current state? Of course you want to stand by friends and family, but that does not necessarily mean you should perpetually be the giver of sympathy. At some point, when confronted by a demanding person who takes and takes, you will run out of things to give, namely time and empathy.

Clearly, at one point you valued your relationship with this woman, because of that, do her the courtesy of explaining your feelings regarding her attitude and actions. If you do decide to break ties with her, don’t allow her to make you feel guilty. This is your life, and the choice to surround yourself with positive people is yours.

***

Don’t forget to send your questions to me at cowardlyfeminist@gmail.com, with Ask Vesta in the subject heading. I’ll answer anything!