It’s funny how things happen in cycles. I’ll go weeks at a time writing about my dogs, husband, annoying people in lines and waiting rooms, and, I dunno, bees. And then a burst of woman-y posts spew forth.
Which brings me to New York City’s main man:
Yeah, I said suck it, so what?
Last night I tweeted a Reuters article about New York state officials, and Mayor Bloomberg’s, newest ‘I-know-what’s-best-for-you’ initiative. In a nutshell, they want to dictate how new moms feed their babies. This morning I read several different articles on the topic to try and piece together the big picture, so while I clearly have an opinion on the matter, I will discuss both sides of the argument.
I don’t have children, and therefore people sometimes get all prickly whenever I write a post pertaining to parenting. But this isn’t just about parenting, it’s about choice, and women’s rights. Sure, breastfeeding is best for babies. I get it. But there are many reasons a mother might choose formula, whether it’s a medical issue, difficulties getting her child to feed, or her schedule won’t allow it. Or perhaps she simply doesn’t want to. And you know what? That is the choice of each individual. It isn’t for Mayor Bloomberg to decide. Motherhood, particularly for new moms, has the potential to be stressful and exhausting. Why should a mom have to request formula at the hospital, and then listen to a lecture from a nurse, who in turn has to sign out formula like medication? Are we really going to guilt women into breastfeeding? What’s next? Are you going to force mothers to use clothe diapers at the hospital, and if they want pampers they get a bad parenting ticket?
Okay, that’s one side. There are very valid arguments on the other as well.
First, we have the problem of marketing. Infant formula is given to hospitals for free in the hopes of locking down brand loyalty before a mother takes her child home. Also an issue is the fact that breeding a formula dependency early on poses the later problem of cost. Numerous programs assist in the cost of feeding children, such as WIC. But what about middle of the road folks that don’t qualify for government aid, and yet barely scrape by? Countless people fall into that category, and for them, breastfeeding is the most cost-effective option. If these women have a difficult time breastfeeding in the hospital and are given formula instead of proper support, their chances of breastfeeding afterward decrease. Eventually the free formula given to them by the hospital will run out, and the burden of paying for it is a heavy one for someone who lives paycheck to paycheck.
My initial reaction was to give the finger to Bloomie and his ‘I know what’s best for everybody’ attitude. But I do understand what they are trying to accomplish with the initiative. And it isn’t only in New York, similar things are happening in hospitals throughout the US, such as ceasing to send new moms home with diaper bags full of free formula.
Ultimately I don’t think this initiative is the answer. A woman’s body is her own. No one else, and certainly not Mayor Bloomberg, should have the right to dictate what she does with it. Just as I feel a woman has the right to choose whether or not to be a parent, and what birth control method to use, I also believe she is the person to make the decision whether or not to breastfeed. And that decision should be made without interference, and without guilt. Under this new initiative, a nurse must give a mandatory lecture about the benefits of breastfeeding before giving out formula. Perhaps that doesn’t sound like such a big deal, but it’s probably the last thing a hormonal woman with a crying baby in her arms needs. She shouldn’t be forced to sit through a bunch of rhetoric before feeding her newborn.
Okay, now tell me what you think.
Ugh… I tried desperately to breastfeed my first child and almost starved him to death because unbeknownst to me, I didn’t get enough milk and the milk I had was pretty much useless. I was told to put him on formula.
He grew up fine.
Second child was in NICU for two weeks and my milk never came in. Ever. I was going to pump so he could have breast milk and despite repeated efforts to get things going, nothing ever happened.
Child number two was raised on formula.
Enter baby number three: After the stress and frustration of trying to nurse numbers one and two, I decided not to even try with three. So he was on formula from day one. And with all the other shit going on in my life during those times, if someone had made me feel guilty about being a failure as a feeder, it would have been devastating.
The government has no business dictating such a personal choice as breastfeeding. No business at all.
Oh my gosh, that sounds rough, but it’s also an awesome example – three of them, actually, and we all know your boys turned out fantastic:)
I agree, the government doesn’t have the right to interfere with such a personal choice.
I had a similar experience – I delivered almost 8 weeks early, and my son never figured out breastfeeding. He couldn’t for the first two weeks, since he was so small, so I pumped what would come out, and they fed it through the feeding line to him, but he was never any good at breast feeding. I gave up pumping after a month. He is 5 and a perfect specimen now. If I could have breast fed I would have. But I couldn’t and I was happy for the freebies. Women have to make the choice that is right for them and their babies. No one should make anyone feel guilty about either decision. Women should be able to breast feed in public without fear of rebuke, and others should be able to feed formula without being told they are bad mothers.
It’s not just ‘her’ baby. It’s not just ‘her’ decision. This issue isn’t about the rights of women, and it’s not fair that we consistently try to make it so. This issue is about the rights of parents.
You know, an interesting perspective on this– I was 19 years old when my daughter was born. I was a runaway, I was on welfare, I had no job, and no insurance. You know what else I didn’t have? Electricity in my apartment. We were about to be evicted, and so I went home to an apartment with no power. At the end of May, in Houston Texas. It was so fucking hot that I could barely breathe. I would have sent up a prayer to the gods had the hospital sent me home with a diaper bag full of formula. Or even a diaper bag. Or even a diaper.
Sitting through ‘rhetoric’ about the easiest, safest, healthiest and least expensive way to feed ones baby should absolutely be mandatory, in my personal opinion. You have to sign a waiver saying you understand everything else in the medical world– making sure a new mom TRULY understands the repercussions of feeding their kid formula over breast milk, as well as showing them how to help their baby latch properly, sounds like a pretty good way to spend 30 minutes before being sent home from the hospital, in my opinion.
Oh– and I *did* choose to feed one of my kids formula instead of breast milk– and knowing what I know now- I wish to this day I’d made the other choice.
Well, I agree that it is a parenting issue, and not solely a women’s issue. Perhaps I should have worded it a bit differently, as it wasn’t my intention to leave out fathers, but I still think it more directly affects women.
Ok, let me play devil’s advocate here:
If studies show that breast-feeding (especially during the first few days) is beneficial to the baby (and much more so than formula), shouldn’t that be something that all mothers know?
And is there a better time to make this point and educate those mothers who may not know that than when the baby is born?
And doesn’t it make sense to have a policy that doesn’t prevent mothers from using formula, but only from using formula before they are better informed?
Here’s what I think: I think they handled the PR on this horribly. When someone says the mothers will be “given a talking to”, you’ve got a real problem on your hands. Here’s what I would have said:
“We care very deeply about the health of all babies, across all races and economic levels. Everyone deserves the opportunity to grow up strong and healthy. And because they do, we’ve spent a considerable amount of money studying things like vaccinations, using baby formula, lead paint, and other health issues.
“Our studies clearly show that babies are healthier when they feed on breast milk. Now of course, the decision to breast feed is a personal one and one that ultimately must be made by the parents. But we’d be derelict in our duty if we didn’t make the information we have widely available so that people can make the best, and most informed decision that they can make.
“And because of this, we’ve instituted a new policy at all public neonatal health care facilities that requires that women be told about the benefits of breast feeding, in a non-judgemental way, so that they can make the best decision for themselves. We don’t intend to patronize anyone, so we would ask for some understanding in this matter because we feel that this is the most effective way to inform mothers and reach those that may not have the information they need.”
You are hired as the new New York PR agent for all hospital initiatives and press statements!!
Dogs, man of logic and reason:)
It sure as hell was handled poorly. And on the heels of the sugary drinks ban too, so a lot of people already had their knickers in a knot.
Uh – uh. No way, no how. There is a HUGE difference between ensuring there is information readily available and forcing someone to listen. What a great red herring to employ to keep us from talking about the real issues. Why aren’t we talking about the business of birth as a profit-making venture to begin with? What about the advent of higher number of c-sections? I am so tired of (mainly men) assuming that I don’t know anything about my body, my child’s body/health. How condescending to assume that I didn’t read every book and article, and have the ability to make a choice without having a total stranger weigh in. This isn’t a life-saving situation. If I wanted your advice, I’ll ask for it. There is a big difference between the nurse who says, “Are you sure you want to bottle feed?” vs. “Let me lecture you and then make you sign off on even more paperwork before we move forward.” I find this highly ironic… here in Idaho they won’t even let us breast feed in public. Argh, the more I think about it, the angrier I get. Just get these men away from my private decisions/choices!
*slow clap*
and standing ovation
Hell yes!!
Why aren’t we talking about the business of birth as a profit-making venture to begin with? What about the advent of higher number of c-sections?
Interesting point. I hadn’t even thought of that, which of course is a way for hospitals to make money.
Ok, there is so much on this. When I had my first child, I had no clue about breast feeding v. formula. I was exhausted, had a tiny little life that was all of a sudden depending on my survival and was scared out of my mind. But luckily what I also had was the best nurse in the entire world. Pregnant with her 4th child currently, she was an absolute pro! Both by training and by experience. She asked if I wanted to try breast feeding, and as exhausted and overwhelmed as I was, she did it in such a way as I did not feel pressured but like she was a friend trying to help. She showed me a good position to hold the baby and helped me along. She is probably the reason I breast fed both my kids. If she had been cold and clinical and all “this is why you need to do it, and now sign here” it probably would have turned me off of it immediately. She was kind and nurturing and supportive. Which I think is how all delivery nurses SHOULD be, so as to help and teach and support new parents. Not lecture.
I will say that both my kids got breast milk supplemented by formula. My first because I didn’t realize I was starving him when I would pump 2 ounces for my hubs to feed him for his next feeding when he got home from work so I could take a nap. Apparently he needed 4-5 ozs at that stage and I didn’t know it. The doc told us at our next appt, so we started adding formula. He turned out great with both formula and milk. My second started at the hospital, because no matter how hard I tried, my milk wasn’t coming in soon enough and he screamed for 5 hours straight his second day of life. The boy was hungry. Enter formula. There was no judgment or lecturing, and thank god because I was exhausted and cranky. If a nurse tried to lecture me at that point and get me to sign something, I would have whipped my boob out and slapped her across her judgmental face with it. And my nurses on that second go round were pretty big bitches. But at that time, I knew what to do, so it was fine.
Basically, I don’t think there should be a lecture and required signature. That is not the time to do that. New parents are overwhelmed, exhausted from what is usually marathon hours of labor and in no condition to be talked to like that. If they want formula for their child, they should get it. If they want to breast feed, they should be assisted by the nurses. This is how it should be.
“I would have whipped my boob out and slapped her across her judgmental face with it.”
Best comment of the year, hands down.
I second that. The comment and the fact that it’s an amazing statement.
What would truly help this situation, IMHO, is nurses being less overwhelmed. Most nurses are wonderful people who went into their profession because they want to help people. My SIL is a nurse, cardiac critical care, and I have sat with her while she cried over a patient who died on shift, even though she only knew the person for a few days or even hours and did absolutely everything in her power to help them. But she always felt like there was more she could do, even if not medically – simply being there to support them if they’re alone, or their family if they have support around, at their last moments, even – but just couldn’t because she was busy. I’ve heard from friends of mine who are mothers that the hospital sometimes basically throws formula at them because they’re having trouble with breastfeeding and it seems like the nurses just need to get to the next patient, but can’t until that baby is fed. Sure, there are going to be some nurses who aren’t willing to take the time to help the mother, regardless of staffing levels or support staff availability, but having lactation counselors or more nurses who can take some time to help mothers get the hang of breastfeeding and truly provide good information in a supportive environment, without being rushed, seems like the right solution here, not creating more paperwork for the already-harried patients and staff.
Plus, while formula is expensive, so are pumps, bags, and bottles, for women who don’t have the luxury of being around their kids 24/7 until they’re several months old. So maybe either find a corporate sponsor to donate those supplies like the formula companies do with formula, or kick in some public funds for them? Also, can we get over the breastfeeding in public thing? While NYC DOES allow women to feed in public, they still might face stares or even be asked to remove themselves by private property owners or ill-informed staff. How about a public education campaign to inform the public of mothers’ rights and tell people to get over themselves when a woman feeds in public, or else massive public funding for nursing suites so that women always have a comfortable, sanitary place to feed out of the public’s view?
Excellent point. A lecture, paperwork, and then checking out formula is only going to create more back up in an already busy schedule. The money would be better spent on extra staff to assist mothers and provide information and support.
I just wanted to thank you for saying out loud that each woman should have the liberty to decide whether or not she wants to have children and whether or not she chooses to breastfeed. Being 32-year old, married for 6 year but without children, I often get asked when I’m going to get children, as if it were some sort of obligation and not wanting them (yet) turns me into a monster of some kind. It’s nice to read / hear I’m not the only ‘freak’ on this planet.
It is totally frustrating when people react that way, especially when they don’t know the reason for the decision.
It doesn’t matter what your reasons are. Not everyone needs to be a parent to have value.
After spending 10 years in the social work field, working with children who were born unwanted and unloved, may I just say that there are definitely those of us who applaud your decision to stay child-free and wait to have children when you’re ready (if ever)!
Fellow 30-something well into a LTR, who gets that question all the time and weird stares when I say “um, never.” It gets particularly bad because the DH is nearly 40-something and “I need to hurry up or he’ll be collecting Social Security before the kids are grown.” Well I’ll be, like I never knew how old my husband was???!!!
And, Keri, it’s particularly frustrating when you get the response of “but you’d be a great mother/great parents!” Oh, sure, we have the patience and economic means to provide WELL for a child or a few of them, but we’d rather spend our time having a grand old time and donating time and money to kids who aren’t so fortunate. Both of us do extensive work with charitable organizations supporting underprivileged children as well as having regular interactions with kids who need the help most desperately – for example, I often play my softball games in communities with a large number of kids who need some love and direction, and any kid who randomly wanders by the field and wants to hang is welcome and is our official bat boy/girl, plus gets some instruction after the game. My heart breaks when I’m walking to a game in cleats with my bat strapped in my backpack and some random kid sees me and asks if he/she can come to our game, but it’s nice to provide them with that hour or so of something to do when I say “sure, follow me!” NOT being a parent gives me the time, patience, and money to help out where I can.
Full disclosure, it’s likely that those kids are only trusting enough to follow me because I’m a young white woman who gives them the time of day in neighborhoods where that’s not a common sight/event. Not to be stereotypical or anything, but it’s pretty obvious I’m not a threat (beyond not looking like I belong there, I also don’t have a car, so there’s no luring them into a vehicle, I’m dressed and prepped for the occasion of a game (cleats, equipment, and jersey with team name), these interactions happen in the open, and I always tell them what field/rec center we’re playing at). They’re pretty street smart, as far as I can tell, so it’s likely they wouldn’t be abducted by a nefarious person. At least I hope so… Not that abduction is the biggest of their concerns…
Absolutely, I totally agree. Ironically, the very reason why you don’t have kids (and may or may not have kids) are some of the very reasons why you would make a great parent! Most, if not all, of my childless friends would make absolutely wonderful parents, because they are thoughtful, loving, kind, reasonable, and know themselves well enough to know they potentially don’t want to have kids. I’m content to be greedy and have them shower their love and attention on my son! I hope my previous comment didn’t come off as snarky. I was sincere in my thank you. Societal/familypressure is no reason to have a baby, and I truly think it does speak positively to someone’s character to know that, despite what society is telling them, they are not ready(and may never be ready) to have a child. Does that make sense? I’m writing this on my phone, so it’s hard for me to track what I am saying! Lol!
I don’t know if giving the information out to the new mother about the benefits of breast feeding is entirely rhetoric, Vesta…well, in my opinion anyway. This is because breast milk truly is the best choice. It is as nature intended, to sound cheesy. I understand, as you said, that there are circumstances which keep a woman from breast feeding her baby. Some babies do have a great difficulty with latching, among many other issues. But, you are right: it should be a woman’s choice. The end.
I do get my underpants in a bunch–and I just can’t help it–when a woman chooses not to breast feed before she even tries it, because it sounds ‘Icky’ or embarrassing, or it’s just “not for her,” or she doesn’t want to be tied down to the baby, because you are pretty tied down for the first few months if you choose to. I agree though that it is a mother’s choice, but I think if we continue to put emphasis on it, instead of this huggy “it’s okay to use this lab-made formula instead and not even question what’s in it” idea we get from the Formula manufacturers.
For my own geek science purposes, I always wonder when women say that they weren’t producing enough milk, how long they tried to breastfeed before they became frightened for the baby’s health and gave up (because we’re freaked about their nourishment from the moment they are born). My daughter was born on a Tuesday and my milk did not come in until FRIDAY. That was three solid days of that kid wanting to eat every hour because that colostrum wasn’t quite cutting it.
Yeah– it happens a lot.
I’m late to this game, getting used to my new schedule and all. Anyway, as much as I supported the soda policy as very reasonable, this one seems a bit odd in its implementation. I could see draconian anti-formula programs in Africa or something (except mothers with AIDS) because you get a ton of children dying from formula made with unclean water or perhaps substandard formula. NYC isn’t Africa though, you might get on average worse results with formula (asthma would seem to be a big one in NYC, though more because of added environmental triggers) but they aren’t really dire results.
I like the idea behind the initiative: let’s help mothers (and fathers) give their children the healthiest start to life we can. DogsOnDrugs, your PR release was excellent! I’m 26 (no kids) and 2 of my 3 good friends with children opted to use formula because it was easier. I also see these women taking the same approach to their own nutrition: eating what’s easiest instead of what’s healthiest.
In my opinion, if the initiative helps more babies than it offends/angers their mothers & fathers then it will be a success. However, what about the rest of the kids’ lives? Is anyone going to step in at the grocery store and lecture women about buying fruit rollups instead of fresh fruit? What about buying white bread vs whole grain? Good intentions on a slippery slope often slide right down into a pile of shit.
So, I guess what I’m saying is, it’s a good idea in theory, but it’s enforcement and application are lacking.
Excellent point. Are we going to monitor parents that take their kids to inappropriate movies? And who decides what is or isn’t acceptable?
Most of this has probably already been said, but….
I’m all for breastfeeding. It’s one thing the BF already knows is in store when we have kids. Unless of course there’s some medical reason/complication and I can’t. So I encourage any and all education for women to know this is good for their baby. And we need education for struggling mothers so they don’t just give up. That said, it is the choice of the parents to figure out what’s best for their family. So the government getting involved? It’s hard to discourage public funding for education, but if it becomes negative and people are being denied formula (lock it away?!) then we have problems.