A week ago I wrote about breaking free from my self-imposed semi-reclusion, and ended by saying I plan to spend the remainder of the year shaking it up, just in time for party season. To kick things off, I accompanied my husband to work-related function last night.
Highlights of the evening included having a five minute conversation with a spitter. Under normal circumstances I would have backed up a couple of feet, but it was super crowded, and so I was stuck 8 inches from this dude’s face. Practically every word was gin infused and saliva-flecked. The guy is a contact of my husband’s, so I managed to refrain from letting him know how utterly repulsed I was, though it took every ounce of self-control. When I managed to get away to find my man, he immediately asked me what was wrong. After I relayed the awful situation he offered up his sweater so I could wipe the cooties from my face and told me he was proud I didn’t tell the guy to back the fuck up.
Gee thanks.
An hour later as we were making the rounds to say our goodbyes, some woman saw my husband and rushed to give him a hug, and elbowed me in the nose. Hard.
When I said I needed to get out of my comfort zone, getting spit on and elbowed wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. That almost never happens at home, unless it’s one of the dogs, and at least they wag their tails during the process.
Tomorrow we have another party to attend, I’m hoping no one pours salsa down my back while taking a baseball bat to my knees.
Happy Friday y’all.
Ha! That picture is fantastic. I actually can’t stop giggling thinking about it being you. Can’t. Stop. Giggling!
Good luck with the next soirée. At least it’s good blogging fodder, right? Right? Hang in there!
It’s a pretty accurate representation of how things went down. Yuck.
Oh man that is hilariously horrid! I’m genuinely sorry. The elbow to the nose would have set off my wolverine claw….
Gee, someone drinking gin not realizing that they’re repulsing someone? How odd…
I love Gin & Tonics, but I’ve never seen a drink more capable of transforming someone into a buffoon more thoroughly. Well, maybe tequila.
See, this is why I don’t like to leave my farm. None of my animal companions would trap me with socially awkward small talk and spitting.
Maybe wear knee/shin guards just in case? It could be a new fashion thing.
Ew. Other people are gross and rude.
“Hell is other people” – Jean-Paul Sartre
“No fucking kidding” – Jean-Paul Sartre’s roommate
THAT. SUCKS. Holiday parties like that are almost never a perfectly good time. I often refuse to go to special occasion parties where I won’t know many people, because shit like this happens, and I have no excuse to escape (at least if I know a half dozen people, I can scope out one going by and excuse myself).
I love those events. When someone starts to annoy me, I start making subtle, inappropriate comments to see how long it takes them to excuse themselves from me. It becomes a fun game to help me pass the time.
At Red’s office Christmas party last weekend, she made me promise to behave myself. I did very well.
I hope the two of you had fun!