So.
A week ago Alisa Valdes’ memoir, The Feminist and the Cowboy came out to not so stellar reviews. Before I jump into today’s topic, let me say that, 1) I did not read the memoir, 2) I did read several reviews of it, and the gist of it is that she renounced second wave feminism in order to embrace her new found femininity brought about by her submissive relationship with a real-life cowboy (wow, that was a mouthful), and 3) days after the book was released, she published a post on her blog that her cowboy angel was really an abuser – she is now in a new relationship. That post has since been removed by Valdes.
Holy crap. If the intention was to generate publicity, then I think she did it, and kudos to her. Actually, I kind of hope that’s what she was going for, otherwise what a freaking disaster. If in fact she was abused by her ‘cowboy’, then that’s awful, and I’d like to give the finger to the guy. Way to fuck it up for the other cowboys in the world, dude. Real men don’t abuse women.
Anyway, the whole thing is rather complicated and messy, so if you’re interested in reading more, then check out yesterday’s article in The Atlantic by Noah Berlatsky.
I’ve read a number of posts and reviews ripping Valdes a new one over her book and subsequent post. Frankly, I don’t care whether or not she did an about face on feminism. She’s a grown woman and entitled to make her own choices. What bothered me had nothing to do with the cowboy, or her new found views on feminism – what I’d like to know is, why is Valdes hatin’ on Prince?
The following is a quote from her book, from a review on Slate. I also came across a similar but different quote regarding Prince in the The Atlantic.
“They want to be men, but hate themselves for wanting to be men, so they push it all down and act like freakin’ Prince,”
Um, waaaaa? First, I have never known a single man who ever acted like Prince, either purposefully or by accident. Because really? How do you even begin to imitate the artist formerly known as? Oh, and I forgot to mention she also threw David Bowie into the mix (and THAT is where she really lost me. Even in his bizarre Ziggy Stardust days, Mr. Bowie was one hot mo-fo) . Okay, sure, both men have been known to sport a face full of cosmetics and wear glittery jumpsuits (and there was that rumor about Bowie and Jagger, which, given the propensity of both men towards Amazonian super models, I’m not inclined to believe. And if it did happen, who cares?) But Prince and Bowie are also unquestioningly talented. Even if you don’t care for either man’s music (and if so, what’s wrong with you?), it’s difficult to deny their musical gifts. They are artists, the glitz and glamor is part of the performance.
From what I gather, Valdes takes issue with the so-called ‘feminization’ of men. I get it, it’s a hot topic and one that’s been beaten into the ground lately. I’m not so certain the trend, if indeed there is one, was begun by Prince. And as my husband pointed out, Prince and Bowie have very likely had more ladies than the manliest cowboy on planet earth. Is Prince feminine? Yeah, he’s a pretty little man if I do say so myself. I’d love to know his skincare routine. But I wouldn’t discount his manhood solely based on his flawless complexion. Have you seen any of his ex-ladies? Hot stuff, all of them.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful..
Oh no not Prince! or Bowie! both alpha males strong enough to embrace their feminine side. I have however been known to talk about the mans man, and how I like my men manly. But, I have Prince on my list of MEN I would do!
By game logic, the average man might need to maximize his manliness to succeed, but if you are talented enough to be a big rock star, you can afford to be femme because your status more than makes up for lack of macho appeal…or something. Game confuses me. People confuse me.
All sorts of things trump machismo, in my book.
I was gonna say “fauulk that bitch” and leave it at that, then I realized this woman’s book only got published because 50 Shades of Grey is so popular, and so the self loathing she must feel probably rivals the soul sucking cutter level of self hatred the producers of Honey boo boo and Mitt Romney’s handlers attempt to drink away every single morning when they wake.
Here’s my stupid overly intellectual because I have a college degree and therefore need to pretend I have something smart to say opinion: Anyone who disses Prince probably secretly hides in their closet each night clothed in leopard print from the Hustler store, trying very desperately to stop closely identify with Vanity (before she found god), Appolonia (before she found god), and Sheena Easton (no idea what happened to her) even though she cannot get “Sugar Walls” out of her head. BAM.
BAM!
Where you been hidin’?
No one can touch either of them for their self awareness, self confidence and bad assery. I don’t find either of them physically attractive, but I would love to have the teensy tiniest dollop of talent and wherewithall to do something with that talent. TENACITY. That is what they have. Talent and tenacity. The name of my lounge lizard Holiday Inn cover band.
In the same way that I wouldn’t want to remove manly men for the women who want that, I ask that Valde doesn’t try to deter the men I want. While I’m not going to be the first girl to chase a guy in sequins, I do prefer the more androgynous types, although with a slight lean towards masculinity. My point is, like women, men have the right to behave stylistically however they want and they’re still going to find someone. I feel the point of her book is to try and defend the more masculine types (“It’s okay to date a cowboy”), yet at the same time she critizes others? Feminism is about equality and equality means we can like what we like and be who we are, man or woman.
Agreed, it’s fine to defend manly men, but let’s not diss all the other guys out there.