Okay, so I’ve written previously about my super heightened sense of smell.

But before we go there, I am in the best freaking mood today. Not to go on about the whole nasal surgery thing, but today I went in for a check up, and the doc did the face suck again. It was horribly unpleasant, but as soon as he finished, heavenly lights shone down, angels sang, and I made a squeeeeeee sound, because the pressure in my sinuses was blessedly relieved. Now nothing could dampen my mood, yippee!

And also, several people asked if my sense of smell was altered any, and the verdict seems to be that it is even more sensitive than before. That is probably not a good thing, but perhaps I can join the canine unit of my law enforcement agency? Because I’m pretty sure I could sniff out the most well-hidden of stashes. Instead of barking, or whatever it is drug dogs do, I’ll just point to the culprit and say, “Bust that bitch!”

It’s always good to have a fallback plan.

Anyway, I guess I should have started by saying I almost posted an open letter to the Asshats who run AT&T, but opted not to. Because really? No one cares. We all know AT&T doesn’t give two hoots about their customers. The same could be said for any phone and/or cable company. They are all evil mo-fos. That, by the way, has nothing to do with this post. In fact, the above was really just a side note in another post about me becoming a superhero that sniffs out corporate bullshit. During the writing of that post, I happened across an article on Cracked.com about six superhero powers that would suck. Smell, by the way, isn’t among them, which is probably because there isn’t a superhero whose only power is finely tuned olfactory perception.

Since I am an excellent procrastinator, I also read an article on 4 things that smell nothing like you’d expect. And that, my friends, is where I found the perfect job for me. Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to become a Smell Artist. Now, if you actually clicked on the link to the article and read it, and then by chance clicked on the link within the article where they talk about the scent artist, you will notice he’s a chemist. We’ve already established I’m not a scientist. However, my sense of smell is superlative, so I figure someone would have to hire me, right? Think of the aromatic masterpieces I could create! I mean, sure, I’d have to have a chemist help me, but whatever. All sorts of artists have assistants. Hell, Annie Leibovitz doesn’t do anything these days but click a button, her assistants do the lighting and camera settings and blah blah blah, but she has the vision. Just like me, except replace vision with smell.

It’s hard to say which of these careers would best suit me. Being a smell artist would give me license to be eccentric, and since I don’t have a license for that right now, people just call me weird. On the other hand, being part of the canine unit could come in handy. For example, due to the fact that I live in California, where there is an immense amount of weed smokin’, telling people I’m a non-canine drug sniffer for the po-po would be akin to saying I work for the IRS – it would surely cause everyone to take five steps back, and that’s perfect for me, because I like having my space. Perhaps I’ll join law enforcement for the benefits and moonlight as a smell artist.

Bam, I’ve got myself a new plan.