Disclaimer: Total navel gazing post ahead, feel free to move on to the next link in your blogroll.
I find it interesting that in our current culture it’s okay to be weird. Television and books are filled with ‘quirky’ characters, and the blogosphere is overflowing with folks pronouncing their strangeness, real or invented, to the world. Being called normal has become almost an insult of sorts. I actually don’t think we’re getting weirder, it’s just that we no longer have such rigidity to live by, which in many ways is a good thing.
Personally, I like that so many people want to be strange, because it means that I do seem normal. I have a lot of oddities, the most unusual ones I choose not to write about because, well, while they certainly make up part of who I am, they aren’t everything about me. It isn’t like I collect toenail clippings, or anything bizarre like that, so don’t worry.
Anyway, because the column of peculiar is pretty long for me, I like it when I find something to put in the normal column. It gives me a feeling of ‘whew, well I don’t have that to worry about’. Which, finally, brings me to the point of my post. Lately I’ve read a smattering of articles and book reviews about research on the topics of envy and unhappiness at a perceived unfulfilled life. There seems to be a general agreement that mobility and technology are largely to blame, because it gives us so many more options, and also because we are constantly being exposed to ‘updates’. Basically, we are a culture filled with woulda’s, coulda’s, and shoulda’s, as well as why me?, which is often found alongside why him/her and not me?
I can understand this notion of having so many options that it’s difficult to choose a path, especially for women. For some, the fear of making the wrong choice essentially paralyzes them, and so instead of choosing something, they wallow in a perpetual state of inactivity. As for envy, with people constantly updating their facebook page to reflect all the wonderful things happening in life, it’s easy to understand that, upon discovering friend A just hit the gym, friend B just bought a top of the line big screen television, and friend C just kicked ass at work, you might wonder why your life is so dull.
Fortunately, I hardly ever log on to facebook, so I have no idea what anyone is doing, or if it’s more exciting than my own existence. And even if I did, envy, in my opinion, is pointless. The grass is rarely greener on the other side, in fact, it’s probably Astroturf. As far as my life’s potential and the choices I make, while I do put thought into my decisions, I also have a tendency to run forward like a maniac with a machete in a hurry to do…something, and I’ll find out what exactly it is when it happens. I have this philosophy that things will eventually work out. And they do, just not like I expect.
So, initially, I felt rather pleased that I seem to be doing okay on the envy and perceived potential fronts. But then I started thinking – well doesn’t that make me sound like a smug asshole? And what does it say about me that not only do I not have envy, I typically think there’s falseness to whatever I’m seeing? Because that’s not exactly a positive. As a matter of fact, that’s it’s own problem. And with regards to life fulfillment, while I live my life under the philosophy of no what-ifs, should I be asking that? Would I benefit from contemplating the path not taken? Should I think more about what might have been had I not chosen to just wing it? Is my contentment really masking something else?
If the phone rings, and nobody is around to hear it, did it really ring?
And that would be my cue to end this pointless post. I don’t know how I get so caught up in the endless vortex of self contemplation, it never comes to any good.
But, I’ll leave you guys with something else that has been bothering me. A few days ago, the search term why would my husband dig two holes for 1 little dog brought someone to the Cowardly Feminist. What the fuck does that mean? Is it a riddle, and did he or she find the answer? Because I really need to know why he dug two holes.
One of my search terms was “buttery boobs.”
Just… HUH???
Surely that has something to do with the People of Walmart pics you occasionally post.
One for the dog, one for the murder weapon.
I knew you’d have the answer:)
I am glad I have Lance around for the weird search results…he always shows me how to trace back to the post (of mine) that arose as a result for the following search “How did Bob Ross lose his finger”
To….to bury a body? I don’t know.
I need more information to answer the question. Was there one big hole and one little hole?
Hold on…I think I heard my phone ring. Maybe. I’m not really around to hear it.
I try to avoid glamorizing the arranged marriage of Austen/Bollywood but many days it does seem appealing to just feel like you have to like what you get. Anyway, attainable goals, I reckon that’s the key…something largely in one’s control and realistic. Right now that’s working for me alright.
Oh boy. The endless cycle of self-contemplativeness. I know it well. I currently find myself drowning in a vortext of what should I do/which path to choose. I envy your ability to just go and not look back. DON’T LOOK BACK, VESTA!
I won’t. I once made the mistake of looking back while running on a treadmill, and was immediately flung off it and landed on the machine behind me. Lesson learned.
Sadly, a true story.
I don’t go on Facebook all that often. Mainly becasue it makes me loose faith in the intelligence of humanity. Also, why is everyone suddenly an ‘expert’ on politics as soon as they log in?
Ugh, I don’t know, but that’s one of the main reasons I don’t bother with it much.
I ask myself “What if?” all the time, to the point where I drive myself crazy and have to go drink a margarita.
My questioning my choices stems from the fact that I got fired from a job I hated by a boss I loathed six months ago, and while I don’t miss the work, no one on the Front Range appears to be interested in hiring me, which sucks.
What if I had done like my husband and majored in computer science back in the day? What if I had finished law school? What if I had gotten a master’s degree in something like accounting instead of international security? Would I have a good job now? Would we have more money in the bank? Would we have a house with a backyard so I could let the dog out instead of having to walk her around our apartment complex every morning and every night?
I hate questioning what I’ve done with my life because, up until the day my former employer canned my ass, I was actually really, really happy with myself, my family, and my life.
Now, I try to ask myself different kinds of “What if?” questions, ones that focus on the what I can do in the present and the future, rather than what I might have done differently in the past. What if I exercise every day? What if I never eat another Haribo Gummy Bear? What if I write that book I’m always talking about? What if my friend and I go in together and start our own business?
Those are the kind of questions I like to ask myself, because the outcomes I envision are ahead of me, and I believe I can achieve them.
Well, this turned out long. I think your blog is awesome. Peace out.
Aw man, I am sorry to hear about the job situation. But I do like your current what if questions, those are good contemplations. Write the book! Start the business!
I love your contemplation. It gives me something else to think about when I’m sick of my own thoughts.
Glad to hear they’re good for something:)
omphaloskepsis – Here is your word for the day to go with your post.
omphaloskepsis: The state of contemplating your belly button