This little tidbit will be of interest to no one but my sister, but last night I dreamed her professor told her she had to fight me to the death as part of her dissertation. Not to apply logic to a dream, but it seems like a strange thing to have to do in order to obtain your doctorate. I mean, do they take your research into consideration too? Or is it a simple, if you win, you get your PhD, and if you lose, then you’re…dead? On the other hand, our university system might be in better shape if all the professors went through gladiator training. Anyway, she and I decided we didn’t want to fight, and instead we went to the world’s largest Ripley’s Believe it or Not Museum.

Right about then my alarm woke me, and when I went to turn it off, I realized my arm was all floppy. This happens to me all the time because my shoulders pop in and out, as do my hips. I’m not exactly sure why it happens, but it probably has something to do with the fact that my joints weren’t fully developed when I was born. I had to wear a brace as an infant to hold my legs in place, and once everything finished growing, I was fine. But I’ve always had this weird deal where I can slip them in and out.  I can do it purposefully, but it also happens without my meaning to do so, like when I sleep, and it has been that way my entire life. More often than not it’s merely an inconvenience, although I have this theory that if I fell down a flight of stairs I’d be fine because I could just pop everything back in place.

However, it totally sucks when this happens during sleep, because it cuts off the circulation in my arm, and I wake with a gnarly case of Saturday night palsy. Which brings me back to floppy arm and my alarm. When I realized one arm was asleep, I had to use the other to turn off the alarm. I hate waking up to one dead limb, so I decided to hit snooze, pop my arm back in, and sleep for a few more minutes. I dozed immediately, only to be awoken a couple of minutes later by a hand on my throat, which scared the shit out of me. I yelped, sprang up, and threw the covers off me to find both dogs staring and absolutely nothing else.

My hand had involuntarily twitched, and because it was still asleep, my neck registered a hand, but not that it was my own. I felt like a total dumbass.

You’re welcome.