Well Hello and Happy Monday, or what’s left of it, I should say. Before we get into this week’s Ask Vesta question, don’t forget to submit your cocktail photos for the contest, first place winner gets a $25 Amazon gift card. A couple of you sent emails about an extension, so let’s move the deadline to this Wednesday, July 11th. And for those of you that have submitted – thanks and awesome pics!
Also, you know how smart people give their email addresses long form, to keep spammers from spamming the ever-loving hell out of their inbox? Yeah, I didn’t do that in last week’s post. I opened my blog today to find a bajillion spam comments (go WordPress for filtering those punk-asses). Oddly enough, though they were from different locations, about half of them were more or less the exact same comment, and they all asked if the other commentors (yes, I know it isn’t a real word, but you know what I mean) are brain dead. Did y’all here that? Spammers are dissing you.
Anyhoo…
Dear Vesta,
K. and I were best friends all during college. Accidental roommates freshman year that actually worked out. After we moved away we still kept in touch via phone and email. And we tried to see each other once a year. We both understood the other’s quirks – especially when it came to relationships. Then, she moved to another country and we lost touch. I was going through some things and at first she would respond to my emails, supportive as always. After a few months, however, she stopped responding. Eventually I got tired of getting no response, so I stopped sending the emails. Now we’ve gone about a year and a half without talking – other than a few comments on photos via facebook. Obviously her being in another country makes phone calls hard, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for the occasional email.
Well, we did just reconnect via an email and subsequent google chat. I’m hopeful the communication continues, but not confident. The reason she got in touch was to ask for me address so she could invite me to her wedding. I knew she was engaged thanks to facebook, and I actually did meet this guy once, but I know very little about their relationship. But of course I am happy for her. The problem is I don’t feel like going. She was my best friend and there was never any question that I’d be at her wedding but with so little contact I’ve grown distant and am not at all excited – though I desperately want to be. The fact that it’s out of state for me and will involve expensive flights and travel just for a weekend trip should not matter for my bestie, but right now it feels like a burden. Also, she’s getting married on my anniversary! I am not too upset over this, since I don’t think she realized/did it on purpose. It’s more a matter of annoyance that the boyfriend and I have to celebrate another weekend. I know, it makes me sound childish! So how do I stop feeling resentful and just be happy for my friend?
Sincerely,
Should I stay or should I go?
***
Dear Should or Shouldn’t,
Okay, so let’s review – your friend lives out of the country, and for whatever reason the two of you haven’t had any communication other than the trivial facebook sort for over a year and a half. The reason she contacted you was to invite you to the wedding, not to be in the wedding, is that correct?
First, I wonder why exactly you feel resentful rather than pleased. Is it the inconvenience of having to spend time and money to attend a wedding on your anniversary? Or is it that she didn’t contact you personally to share the news of her engagement?
I would ignore the fact that she is getting married on your anniversary. Any number of reasons could account for that, from she simply didn’t think about it, to that particular date was the only one available for the wedding venue.
As for whether or not you should attend, I would say that is entirely up to you. In my opinion, out of the country weddings (or out of the country guests, in your case, since I assume she’s marrying somewhere in the vicinity of where she currently lives) aren’t mandatory to attend. Travel and lodging are pricey, and I think most people, while they would surely love to have you share in their special day, also understand it is asking a lot.
Having said that, if it is financially feasible for you and your guy to attend, then why not go? Book a nice hotel and look at it as a romantic weekend getaway, as well as an opportunity to see your old bestie get married.
If you choose not to go – send a gift, and a handwritten, heartfelt letter to your friend explaining how happy you are for her. It sounds as though both of you lament the fact that you have grown apart, otherwise why else would she have invited you to the wedding? Whatever happens, I hope the two of you are able to resume communication.
Good luck!
VV
