I am not the biggest fan of internet-isms, but in this case…
I am not the biggest fan of internet-isms, but in this case…
I’d like to think I’m an intelligent woman. I am both a curious person and voracious reader and therefore know a lot about a variety of things. The problem is that much of what I know is absolutely useless, so much so that I am sometimes embarrassed to know anything on the topic at all.
In part, I blame the internets for making it all too easy to search out the inane. I also blame the full moon. I have problems sleeping almost always, but a few days before a full moon and the couple days following it are the worst. I have weird dreams, wake up, and can’t go back to sleep. The other night, while trying to fall back asleep after a strange dream, a plot hole in my new project suddenly came crashing down on me. I jumped out of bed and ran to my computer in order to take notes immediately, lest I forget what I was thinking.
And that brings me to why I now know more about urine than anyone outside of the medical profession should.
While researching information pertaining to my plot hole, I came across a list on Random Facts of 99 things you don’t know about urine. This, by the way, had nothing to do with what I was looking for, and I’m not entirely sure why Google thought it was appropriate, but whatever. It didn’t stop me from skimming the entire list, and thoroughly reading about 60% of it, some of the items twice. An inordinate amount of time was spent thanking my lucky stars I wasn’t an Eskimo, wasn’t alive in pretty much any ancient civilization, and finally, hoping that I’m not reincarnated as a hunting dog.
I never did find the information I was searching for (or get back to sleep), though I now posses a number of useless facts about left-handedness, dreams, and Halloween. And, most unfortunately, I discovered you can commission a fact list if you can’t find what you want on their website. Obviously, a great deal of time was wasted pondering what I want to commission.
Damn you, internet.
Our weekend was one of those where we crammed in as much socializing and as many errands as possible. It was fun, but exhausting. Last night we had dinner with some friends, and I was introduced to a telenovela I’d never heard of (which is almost all of them, save maybe Vecinos), called Sin Pechos No Hay Paraíso, which translates to Without Breasts there is no Paradise.
You had me a boobs, my friend.
So, the way our friends explained it is that it’s about a girl who desperately wants breast implants, and becomes a prostitute in order to get them. Apparently somewhere along the line there is drug trafficking, and the drugs are smuggled inside the prostitutes’ implants. At that point the conversation veered in a different direction. But I was left wondering, how in the hell does that make any sense? If the implants are in their bodies, then they have to remove them to get the cocaine, or heroin, or whatever the hell they’re smuggling.
So I think we all know how I spent my morning – watching You Tube. And once you start, it’s hard to stop, which led to this (*maybe not the most work appropriate video, but not super bad):
Surely, Vesta, you have something better to do?
While watching snippets of telenovelas I was reminded of something I read this morning – an article about covering your internet tracks. One of the things they mentioned was something about how the two hours someone spends watching kitten and puppy videos might not be anonymous. In other words your viewing history, whatever it might be, is bought and sold by companies. Not a pretty thought. So someone, somewhere, just put me on a list with people who like large breasts and bad televisions shows. I would think that list is extremely long, but having company doesn’t necessarily make me feel better.
This reminded me of two Vanity Fair articles I read in last month’s issue. World War 3.0 discussed the creation of the internet and the fight to control it. SOPA Opera, which I wasn’t able to find online, was a discussion of web piracy, SOPA, and the battle between Silicon Valley and Hollywood. Y’all know I was against SOPA, and I’m glad it was shelved. Hollywood makes money hand over fist, and I have very little sympathy for studios.
That being said, I don’t download pirated movies or television shows. As for music, since it turned digital, if I really want something, I buy it. Prior to that I rarely bought CDs, mostly because they were way overpriced, and it sucks to pay fifteen bucks for 4 good songs and 8 that are only so-so. Now you can buy individual songs. I’m willing to pay for that. The music industry adapted, and eventually the film industry will have to do the same.
Going back to television and film, I’ve said before that we don’t have cable, or even regular television. We watch everything on Netflix, and if it isn’t available there, or it’s a television show currently airing, then we buy it on Amazon. We don’t do this often, but there are a few shows out there good enough to warrant paying a buck 99 for. And this brings me to HBO. Do you have any idea how much it pisses me off that they refuse to stream their shows? We watched season one of Game of Thrones on Netflix, and I really, really want to watch season 2 now, dammit. It’s becoming difficult to avoid spoilers. I would gladly pay per episode, just as we do for The Killing (which is disappointing – at this point we only buy the episodes to find out whodunnit and get on with life), but I’m not going to get cable just for one show. Anyway, over the weekend, we were chatting with someone about how sucky HBO and their no streaming until it comes out on DVD policy is, and our friend told us because of that he watches it online (illegally). Like us, this friend would gladly pay if it was an option, but it isn’t. I would imagine many people do the same thing, so HBO is actually losing out on money by making people wait. Same goes for the studios that have agreements with Netflix that they can’t have certain movies until after they’ve been out for a while. What they want is for people to buy the DVD. That time has come and gone, so get with the program.
Anyway, Games of Thrones has nothing to do with telenovelas, but all of this is tied together in the big bad internet. Piracy, browsing habits, privacy, hacking. It is really fucking messy. When I look at individual aspects, take identity theft, for example, it’s easier to digest and make a judgment. Clearly you don’t want someone in Nigeria, or Thailand, or your next door neighbor, or whoever, to steal your online information. On the other hand, I’m less than thrilled about mega-corporations buying my online profile or gathering information about me without my consent. HBO not streaming their shows – bad. People streaming videos from webcams of unsuspecting people – also bad. See? Messy. The problem is that you can’t turn off only one component without affecting something else. Nor can you make a one size fits all rule, the situation is far too complex.
I don’t think there’s an answer to any of this. But I did just manage to justify my time spent on telenovelas this morning, sort of. By the way, I never did figure out if the drugs were actually inside of already implanted implants. So if someone knows the answer, please put me out of my misery, I can’t spend any more time watching You Tube today.
Happy Monday y’all.
I am so sorry, dear internet, for ever saying anything bad about you. And you too, cell phone. I need you both, desperately.
I am climbing the walls. It’s raining here, so I can’t go anywhere. I tried, but it’s so windy my umbrella was almost blown inside out, so I gave up and returned to the room. My phone only works sometimes, which prompted a stupid spat between my husband and I yesterday at 6 o’clock in the morning. It was such a ridiculous argument that I won’t go into it, other than to say it ended with me throwing the covers over my head and saying ‘Oh God!’ in a bitchy voice, to which my husband responded with an even bitchier “What’s God got to do with it?”
Pre-coffee arguments are never productive.
And then there’s the ‘free high speed internet access’ offered in the room. Dial up connection would be quicker than what’s going on in this place. Pages won’t load, I’m lucky if I can log onto my WordPress dashboard, and good luck reading anyone else’s blog, especially if they have any pictures. I’d say I have a 40% chance of being able to stay connected long enough to post today.
I am going stir crazy.
I’ve also learned that just because you have access to 50 television stations does not mean there is anything to watch. On no, uh-uh. I am dumbfounded at the number of reality shows, it’s like the only thing there is – that and the three stations that run nothing but crime shows. Seriously, how many different CSIs and Law and Orders are there? Like, 20? And to make matters worse there seems to be a Kardashian and either a bada-bing-boobed girl or crunchy-haired dude from Jersey Shore on a continuous loop. Continuous. It’s like hell. But I will admit the tatas on those Jersey girls are hard not to look at – they’re bigger than their heads. How does the little one keep from falling right over?
These are the things I ponder, since the internet connection is such a fickle bitch.
The dogs, on the other hand, are thrilled. They aren’t allowed on the bed at home, so they have spent the entire trip buried underneath the covers. I am considering calling it a day and getting in there with them, even though it’s only 10am. I have a serious case of writer’s block, no desire to watch any of the crap on TV, and no car.
I miss you internet. So. Much.