Yesterday my husband and I made the mistake of going to Hollywood to check out a couple of art openings. What a disaster. It doesn’t really matter what time of day it is, the place is constantly teeming with people and cars. And by people, I mean assholes. Anyway, the trip basically equated to fifteen minutes of art viewing and three hours of traffic. All in all, a lot of frustration and not really worth it.

But it did give me something to ponder.

So we were sitting at a stop light, and I looked over to see this dude sauntering down the street. He wore a t-shirt, tennis shoes, and white spandex, knee-length shorts.

White. Spandex.

I wouldn’t call them biker shorts, because to me that implies a little more coverage. There are tons of cyclists in Pasadena. They congregate at coffee shops on the weekends, and while their outfits show off every line of their bodies, I’ve never seen one so exposed that I could pick his penis out in a line up. This guy, however, was a full on visual assault. Every crevice of his junk was visible, and the material was so thin you could see his crotchal region was a different color than the rest of his body (mostly unrelated side note – why is it we’re only seeing genital bleaching for ladies? I mean, it’s a very weird phenomenon, and I’m 100% not a proponent of it, however, dudes have far more surface area down there, so you’d think whatever company that decided to tell us our hoos should be lightened would be all over the male market).

I was appalled. My husband tried to find some sort of reason for the fashion faux pas/indecent exposure, and suggested that perhaps the guy had just left football practice. I’m going with not likely, because the little football leggings, or whatever the hell they’re called, are not paper thin, plus there would be a cup, or jock strap, or something to contain his bits and pieces. This guy had nothing between him and the world but a tiny strip of sheer fabric.

At any rate, this awful sighting made me realize there’s been a double standard going on here at the Cowardly Feminist. In all my leggings are not pants discussions, I’ve neglected to mention the rule applies to men too. How could I have been so careless? So let it be said that sheer white spandex on a man is only permissible if a) he’s wearing soccer shorts over them, or b) he’s dancing at a male strip club.

Happy Friday, y’all.